Loser's Dream

Much awaited scholarship for no-net PhD student has hit my bank account and makes my balance 45000rs. It is the scholarship for losers who can’t clear net, Jrf or anything. Now the time has come for the losers to be paid. So, guys! Don’t worry you will be paid too someday if u survive long enough broke.

I have survived enough with my torn VIP underwear. Once I only wore Jockey kind of underwear. So the great fucking God has heard my cry of hunger. And here the God is no one but UGC.

I believe I can still carry on my PhD without any fellowship or being loser in their frame of reference. But as I am getting some money I have already planned where to put it in. I am not buying bikes I am not taking my girl to dinner; I am just going to sing my songs. My composed songs have haunted me my nights so often that I end up writing poetry so many nights. And now people think I am an amateur poet.

My songs haunt me, dragging me to reality of music which no longer belongs to my spirit but to let it scream loud through speakers with amplified sounds. Yes! I have dreamt this dream with many friends. One friend I am proud to mention is Keisham NIlabeer. He has been with me since I picked up guitar in this rapists’ capital Delhi. He has tolerated many compositions I own. And I know he will tolerate me whole of my life. Another problem is I have 16 songs to record. 8 songs are in English which is completely experimental. You will find alternative rock, heavy metal, Dylan kind of stuffs and Poetry recital kind of songs. And few tracks I have planned to make them sing by my sister Riki (din). I don’t know how will people react to my songs. It excites me like hell. And 8 songs are Manipuri. I have composed some these songs five/six years back. They have been with so close and my friends can hum them anytime. They sometime hum it without acknowledging my presence. Is it an honor? Perhaps!

I would not like to end my life like Nick Drake. I am not a genius to sing or write or do physics. But I want things to be happened at right time. I don’t know who defines “right time.” But I would never like to postpone my recording session this time. I would die for it if it happens. Many told me it is not right time to do music before completing PhD and Blah Blah. I said fuck off. I got money I got songs all I need is few musicians and a great fucking studio to record it..

Ah!!!!!!! Finally I am going to listen to myself.