Friday, March 14, 2008

i dont know what to call this peice of shit

Someone says “Nights are always silent unless you make love” it is indeed true. But nights are always silent after sex too. And a silent night takes me anywhere. It often reminds me I am suffering in hundred ways. Yes! We have suffered like hell as we belong to Manipur , the jewel of India. Jewel is something a man or woman can posses and can do anything with it. Many rare cases in the history of mankind have happened inside this jewel of india, perhaps it is the reason why we are being called jewel, like Sharmila’s incident , Pebam Chitaranjan burning himself alive. If we belong to any sensitive part of this undemocratic world, there would have been so many great movies and singers and writers and activists. It will often lead them to Nobel prize, Oscar and any sort of prizes available. But we are just suffering! no one out of us are ready to celebrate our suffering, celebrate with anger celebrate with celluloid movies.

Or we are so damned comfortably numb to feel the pain, may be that’s why the film makers go to Rajasthan for a camel ride shooting in Jitendra’s favorite white suits. Our helplessness can be seen when we ride a bike in our own town. Once I rode my father’s Hero Honda CD 100 from khurai Chingangbam Leirak to Khoyathong, I was stopped by Manipuri commandos and asked every necessary questions and documents. I answered to them and show them every document they asked for. I remember by heart my driving license number my automobile number. If I could not answer them I would have got a slap or two. Finally they asked why did I wore a torn jeans, before I could answer, one of them put his finger inside the hole of my torn jeans and started pulling jeans to make my torn jeans worst. But I wore torn jeans because it has been with me for last six years. Even if I was fashion conscious, what was their right to tear it further. It hurt me it has made me furious inside. But I kept quiet with my brimming eyes helplessly watching them making fun out of my poverty.

This is the kind of freedom one feels driving or riding in the heart of Imphal city. Whom to blame? Whom to share? Whom to cry? Even in my friend circle there are people who doesn’t understand what was the situation? Whenever one say freedom it does not necessarily mean freedom from a state or country. It can be a freedom to ride your bike from Imphal to Moirang it can be of how you wear your jeans or how your wear you Sarong. But we have lost it. We suffer from both end. We are the slice of cucumber inside their political sandwich. I have a sense of belongingness that’s why I still wore that torn jeans, that’s why I still feel we have to fight against such act of barbarism or militarization. I know it is hard to fight, many of us has already been Sisyphus. Simply following what we have seen. Get married and earn and make love and die.

Even our intellectual society they speak jargon in their language, they publish books they attended seminar, they talk of rights but in their terms, it never reaches any grassroots where it is needed the most. They are like classical music. But what the suffering people need at the moment is rock and roll kind of music which breaks all norms of LAWS and RULES where it can be useful at the moment.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Short Film Blues

Insomnia has taken me quite further in life, quite ahead of my fellow comrades. Do I sound superior? No, I am being honest. My insomnia has led me to poetry land which once upon a time I thought impossible for me. I have ploughed the land and sowed the seed now I have eighty poems. You may find them sour or bitter. Oh “the grape is always sour” to the fox.

I always try deliberately to connect my poetry with my Land Manipur. Yes it is really deliberate. I don’t want to write about love and loneliness or about human complexity. I believe life is short so better focus on something important. I would like to do thousand things a day. But the sun won’t allow me that. So end up giving preference to what I prefer the most.

Now my preference at the moment is to make short film. It has been named “Poetry from the bank of Imphal River.” It is all about an insomniac guy. He is insomniac because he has become sensitive of the issues happening in Manipur. He has seen the world through films, poems and heard through music, and how people react to these kind issues. The film will show how he personally reacts to the issues in one sleepless nights. The issue which can be mentioned is AFSPA (1958) and how it has been ruling Manipur.

The crews of the film are Nilabeer Keisham(camera/editor), Victor (the protagonist/idea), Akhu (Music and script) and Sumitra ( thematic editor ). The film will use poems by Akhu and Victor.

The soundtracks of the short film will soon be recorded.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Loser's Dream

Much awaited scholarship for no-net PhD student has hit my bank account and makes my balance 45000rs. It is the scholarship for losers who can’t clear net, Jrf or anything. Now the time has come for the losers to be paid. So, guys! Don’t worry you will be paid too someday if u survive long enough broke.

I have survived enough with my torn VIP underwear. Once I only wore Jockey kind of underwear. So the great fucking God has heard my cry of hunger. And here the God is no one but UGC.

I believe I can still carry on my PhD without any fellowship or being loser in their frame of reference. But as I am getting some money I have already planned where to put it in. I am not buying bikes I am not taking my girl to dinner; I am just going to sing my songs. My composed songs have haunted me my nights so often that I end up writing poetry so many nights. And now people think I am an amateur poet.

My songs haunt me, dragging me to reality of music which no longer belongs to my spirit but to let it scream loud through speakers with amplified sounds. Yes! I have dreamt this dream with many friends. One friend I am proud to mention is Keisham NIlabeer. He has been with me since I picked up guitar in this rapists’ capital Delhi. He has tolerated many compositions I own. And I know he will tolerate me whole of my life. Another problem is I have 16 songs to record. 8 songs are in English which is completely experimental. You will find alternative rock, heavy metal, Dylan kind of stuffs and Poetry recital kind of songs. And few tracks I have planned to make them sing by my sister Riki (din). I don’t know how will people react to my songs. It excites me like hell. And 8 songs are Manipuri. I have composed some these songs five/six years back. They have been with so close and my friends can hum them anytime. They sometime hum it without acknowledging my presence. Is it an honor? Perhaps!

I would not like to end my life like Nick Drake. I am not a genius to sing or write or do physics. But I want things to be happened at right time. I don’t know who defines “right time.” But I would never like to postpone my recording session this time. I would die for it if it happens. Many told me it is not right time to do music before completing PhD and Blah Blah. I said fuck off. I got money I got songs all I need is few musicians and a great fucking studio to record it..

Ah!!!!!!! Finally I am going to listen to myself.